I have been scratching around this week trying to find something to talk about. As I wondered through the minefield which we lovingly call the Internet, I found myself walking through the varied and many websites on single parenting.
It is bigger news today in this world than it was ten years ago and growing fast. Gone are the days of the taboo-ness of the subject, where everything was swept under the carpet and not discussed, and the thoughts on the topic are changing fast almost every day. In fact, it is hard to imagine that it was only in the last 50 years or so, young single mums were still being sent away to have their children. We HAVE come a long way, but sometimes, I feel, not far enough...
One of the first websites one comes across when looking around the net for articles on single parenting is Gingerbread. http://www.gingerbread.org.uk/portal/page/portal/Website. Sometimes it is hard to also imagine that we still need such organisations to fight the single parent corner. Having been a single parent myself, and most likely to be again at some stage, I found that these years alone with a child were rewarding but only in the sense that I gained ground, albeit in an emotional sense, as a person. Something happens when you become a single parent. The world around you suddenly looks hard and cold, and invariably it is. Single mums and dads still, even in 2009, get a rough deal. Particularly when it comes to, my favourite subject, work.
It is amazing the amount of people who find themselves alone with children having to take what I call, lower status jobs. Now, that does not mean to put down such jobs. There are many rewarding jobs which come under this category (and I too, have had to tread these lowly boards) although some are, still, not brilliantly well paid. Employers need to understand and recognise that single parents need support when it comes to work. They want to work for their children, as much as themselves. Ninety nine per cent of the time, they are the most loyal and hardworking. They are skilled and hold a wealth of experience. All they really need is a break.
All of these support organisations do a wonderful job. They post informative articles on nutrition, playing with your child, supporting them and most importantly, how to be two parents when you are only one. Yet very few will actually tell you how to maintain dignity in the workplace - how to maintain your job status in the world. If you were once a white collar, how to stay a white collar, not become a cleaner. There seems to be very little in the way of support for this subject. To me, it's the most important aspect. We can all read about the best way to get your child to eat carrots, but what we really need is to be told how we can get that job which means we can live comfortably and happily, doing the same thing we were doing before. It is what we want for ourselves and our children...
I suggest a new kind of forum - one that supports parents who need to consider the times their playgroup is open when it comes to finding a job that fits in. Whilst working with a lot of people struggling at this present time to find work, there are still too many good, intelligent and experienced people being turned away at interviews simply because they can't quite do the old nine to five. I have found that many employers are taking a huge liberty knowing that, right now, for every candidate walking through the door who might need a little flexibility in their working life, there is another 100 out there who will happily do the hours and never want to leave early because the school has called and little Timmy needs to go home....
The world of a single parent is still patchy. There is, as we have discovered, groups and organisations which will help until they are blue in the face but will fail to help in other areas. Please tell me if I'm wrong, but when a million single parents are having to ditch the office for a shop job at the weekends or a night cleaner simply because they can't find work any other way which fits in and which resembles the life before, there is a topic which still gets that carpet burn....
Until the next time
2009 Michelle Duffy
You might also like to read some of the topics supported and covered at: http://www.lone-parents.org.uk/
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